The Insane Bipolar Microwave

    I swear it's out to get me.  Alright, it warms my food and normally that's all one could ask from a twentieth century technological breakthrough that secretes radiation into our suppers.  Not that we give any credence to products that slowly kill us as long as there is some benefit to our daily life/self esteem/laziness.  These include but are not limited to sweeteners, diet sodas, cell phone radiation, and the like.  If you ever read this article by Amy Worthington (http://www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=va&aid=7025) you'll think twice when picking up a cell phone.
   But back to my own radiation center in my kitchen.  Normal noises in my new apartment include frequent guitar-playing, squeaks from ceiling fan, the dog below threatening to eat everyone that walks past him, and the rooster that crows from 4:30 in the morning to 6:00pm in the evening (I'm thinking about inviting him over to dinner...).  A sound that I do not label as normal is the insistent, screeching, beeping sounds of the microwave at 2:30 in the morning.  A possible theory is that my microwave becomes lonely at night, creeps to my door, then makes incessant noises to wake me up, yet completely go quiet when I rush out to see what the problem is.  And call me crazy, but even when I unplug him (yes, he is a pronoun now) he keeps beeping!
    This piece of metal is making my life a living hell.  And it's not like there is a definite pattern to his chit chat- it's a mixture of long beeps, short beeps, beeps of a different pitch, morse code; he will stop for thirty seconds just as I get up to attend him, then begin again when I take a seat.  He will beep at any time of the day (mostly when I am in a comfortable position with a book in the living room), constantly begging for attention.
    No matter what I do to satisfy his complaints-give him food, take food away (what else can I do?)-he is as finicky as a cat.  Who needs a pet?  I've got enough needy technology to use up all my time and energy...